#it's just saying that people act in certain ways because of reasons and we can have understanding for that even if
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You ever just see a Mouthwashing take that makes you want to bang your head into a wall? I literally just saw someone claim Curly couldn't have been emotionally abused by Jimmy before the crash because he was in a higher position of power than Jimmy.
-Shrimp Anon
The mouthwashing fandom has shown me that people genuinely do believe that certain types of abuse are not as detrimental as other types especially when they deem those immune/resistant, ergo, believing one is objectively worse no matter how it affects the person nor the intersections of power, history and dynamics at play.
Get ready cause this is a yap session:
Cause like it's heavily implied that Curly and Jimmy's friendship was toxic and abusive, pointedly in the direction of how Jimmy uses Curly's belief/comfort in him. Curly wasn't forced to enable Jimmy but he was emotional and mentally on edge around him in almost every scene in some way. Mental and emotional abuse are not contingent on what positions you have at work. Yeah, he's Jimmy's boss but he was Jimmy's friend first and it's like getting into Psych discussion to talk about how social power tends to overshadow any perceived organizational power in the human mind. People are concerned about their jobs ofc but they tend to hang onto and put more value/investment into their personal relationships, hence why there tends to be laws and restrictions around mixing the two.
I always see the sentiments that "Curly is a grown ass man", "Curly is bigger than Jimmy", "Curly is Jimmy's boss", "He just needed a backbone" as criticisms of Curly and while I do agree that on the surface level all of these to be true and viable ways Curly could've taken more control of the situation, I often look at the parallels of Anya and Curly as victims of Jimmy pre/post crash.
The way Jimmy talks to Anya post crash is how he talked to Curly in the pre-crash segments. It's hard to pin-point mainly because we know he hates and wants nothing to do with Anya compared to his contrary but similarly handled obsessions with Curly. It's a weird sort of "honey-moon" effect of abuse Jimmy does in terms of emotional and mental victimization. He is always horrid to Anya, always talking down or questioning her abilities and thoughts in a situation, this of course includes the harassment and assault. However, he has a moment of attempted gentleness/conditioning when he question her about the mouthwash when she's contemplating drinking it at the table. The key difference is he has no personal investment in Jimmy outside wanting nothing to do with him, meaning there is no sort of romanticized version of him that he can condition her off of. He knows this, hence, why he always reverts to trying to make her to scared to oppose him.
This sort of give and take of "kindness" doesn't work on her because she knows he is just doing it to take more from her than whatever he could possibly give but it reflects even the "softer" scenes between him and Curly where he always rewords or rephrases Curly's sentiments and concerns to sound more shallow. He is feigning a deeper understanding by reworking Curly's emotions into something bad and needing to be hidden. Everything is laced with envy and resentment, an outburst just around the corner, I mean he even slams the table in the birthday party scene, a tactic in emotional manipulation to set the victim on edge and cloud their ability to respond. Even if Curly knows Jimmy won't get physical in that moment, the physical actions is intended to make him back down in the confrontation in case it does. This is something that is just not person specific. It ingrains itself into how you interact with the world and life and it shows in major and minor ways with Curly.
Post-crash, the abusive nature is more in tandem to the physical victimization Anya went through and the stripping of voice and autonomy we see take place. Like the parasite in HFIM, Jimmy speaks for Curly most of the time and puts words in his mouth, similarly to how he takes Anya's plans as his own. He very commonly, with the both of them mind you, supplements the worst aspects of himself into them; pettiness, selfishness, lack of understanding... And tries to cover himself with their best qualities; kindness, planning, initiative, etc...
These parallel are just to say that positional power has little to do with if a person can be abused and how it can even be flipped to further the abuse. There is no doubt that Curly could've picked up on Jimmy's envy of his position hence another reason he never confronted him as a Captain but as a friend as doing so would immediately put Jimmy in a space to be confrontational/combative.
I think the disdain some people have when they talk about the heavily implied if not implicitly stated emotional/mental abuse Curly experienced being Jimmy's friend is when treating it as an excuse to why he didn't do more. I can understand that completely because it is not an excuse to why he didn't do more but is a very real reason people in his position in these scenarios can experience whether in the context of a work or social environment. However, I also think the way people talk about it really does demonstrate a bigger problem when talking about abuse when somehow who is/was abused is either part of the issue or enabled it.
Harkening back to the sentiments about Curly's inaction regarding Jimmy, I think the exact phrases I used/have seen show how there is an inherent belief that it is easier to overpower the effects of emotional/mental abuse that go in tandem with the perception of Curly as someone who should be able to. There is not an age you suddenly stop being susceptible to abuse nor a set point or low where you realize how it has affected you. You don't suddenly know to stand up or put a face on to face your abuser nor admit that you inadvertently enabled them to subjugate someone else to the same treatment. Maybe it's my psych brain but their is this growing belief that direct action is somehow easy or always the best method with the game shows you instances where it is not always the case. In real life that rings true too. He should have done more, but it's not impossible to see why he struggled to find a way or didn't even if it makes us mad.
It's not easy to suddenly gain a "back-bone". You don't immediately want to resort to aggression, especially if it mirrors the type you were a victim to. You don't want to believe you allowed yourself to be treated this bad, let it get that bad or allowed something bad to happen to someone else. It is easy to be in denial, to retreat to your thoughts or make excuses to avoid the painful truth. It's frustrating but in a way we know is relatable. It why we both hate and love Curly for it. We know we'd be better, we think we'd be better, we like to think we wouldn't falter in the same ways but it's always easier to say that from the outside looking in. It's easy to see what he was doing wrong because we are seeing it, not him, but the game really does make you picture what you would do if this was your raw reality and it's why this debate about Curly seems so never ending/contradictory. We can all say what we'd do but bottom line is that's much different when you're in the moment with all the emotions and human feelings attached.
I personally think Mouthwashing tackles the themes of rape culture, enabling, toxic masculinity, types of abuse and patriarchy in ways that are meant to deconstruct the typical straightforward views we mostly have of these concepts and how little subtilities of them are just as, if not more, detrimental than the overt/obvious parts. The game deals with the idea of little details and bigger picture in a way to show that sometimes the bigger picture is not the issue but the little details that make it up. It's why I have a personal dislike of depictions of Jimmy as the typical horrible person who would of course do something like this because the game is about noticing the little warning signs, the foreshadowing and foresight.
It's why I dislike the typical discussion of "bro code" and "boys will be boys" for the game because the game makes a point to avoid the standard depictions of such. It is about the type of men who still enable despite not condoning, agreeing or even perpetuating harmful beliefs because they can't see the little details or the ways it seeps into their everyday. The severity is not obvious to them as it was not obvious to Curly, Swansea or even Daisuke the way it was to a woman like Anya. There are little details about Jimmy that should ring alarms but if you are too naive like Daisuke, too distant like Swansea or too conditioned like Curly, they are just off markers.
There is 100% more constructive/concise ways to say "Curly was a victim of Jimmy's abuse on an emotional and mental aspect that clouded his judgements and perceptions in the scenario" while also critiquing on the side of "Curly still had a responsibility to protect Anya as a crew mate and Captain that he failed to do due to biases and stigma's he failed to surpass" without the weird condemnation people give him about should've knowing better than to let himself be manipulated by a person he considered a close, if not family/best-friend and had his own reasons to trust initially. Also stop being weird about victims of abuse in general with this fandom, like sorry not everyone has a like social epiphany the moment someone's nasty to them. People are treating it like you immediately know when you are in a toxic relationship immediately or comprehend when a person is actively dangerous and either it's your fault for not knowing how to leave/cut them off or you deserve it. Like the hypocrisy of people believing how certain fans treat the story reflect their irl views but not their own is crazy.
End statement is: I honestly don't even know man, I've been writing this too long and just like no man on that ship was perfect or really helped Anya when it mattered and I feel like pitting them against each other in discussion on who did the least or most or how it was justified sucks cause in the end Anya always did the most and best thing for herself.
#i also think it is because mouthwashing is first and foremost a game about rape culture and the patriarchy especially in work spaces#regarding women and centering conversation around Curly a man rubs people wrong because it does overshadow that commentary#but it still mixes other topics into its initial theming and message on how abuse conditions you to accept certain things that are harmful#and how getting used to a culture/enviornment does not mean you are happy healthy or most importantly safe in it. I personally like to#explore those aspects where it mixes all the themes so we can discuss the ways you have to watch out for things because there is a differen#in the idea Curly enabled Jimmy just because they were bros and because he was an example of another man afraid to step out from what#is a still oppressive system that does try to punish those who act against it even if they fall in the category of those who would benefit#from it as Jimmy and PE 100% represent that sort of misogynistic system where men that would be âgoodâ are altered until they follow line#in a way both on the personal and professional level as PE is the corporate lock out and Jimmy represents the social and its just the issue#that the discussion of it sounds like âin defense of menâ when I am more so trying to discuss how it is much deeper than men being scared t#upset other men but complacency is rewarded by not becoming another person subjugated hence as all the moments Curly does try to do#something we can tie it back to how Jimmy reacts and a possible penality from PE where we now need to address the ways to combat those#two concepts so we dont get cases like Curly or Daisuke or Swansea where male avoidance of the issue is considered neutral or even good.#i think most of this boils down the perfect victim mentality to where if someone who underwent or is being abused is not a perfect example#or accpetible type than their abuse can not be considered a valid or substantial reason for effects on their behavior compounded with the#fact that Anya's abuse at the hands of Jimmy is a systematic issue that Curly is a part of even if unwillingly and was more physically#violating and topical cause sometimes i have to remind myself that all media is still critiqued through the lens of the culture it came out#in cause i do think about what if this game came out inlike 2014 like the conversations would be sooooooo different could you imagine it?#but back the before statement Curly isn't perfect but I feel like boiling it down if hes a good person or man is not the point of the game#but more so good people can still be part of the problem and the idea of condemning a person for one act creates a false sense of#rightouesness and justice that does not aid the victim and in fact aids the abusers in escaping blame for their mulitple behaviors as we se#how the men on the ship tend to blame Jimmy for just one act against them including himself while there is a plethora of things Anya is#concerned about with Jimmy#and its not that Curly just made one mistake with Jimmy but more so we consider his actions more damning because he didn't stop Jimmy#instead of focusing on the fact Jimmy did what he did regardless of Curly and the consequence because we already know he's bad n maladjuste#which is problem in the conversation where the individuals are blamed but the system and perputrator are overlooked in a sense of acceptiab#complacency as we know how they are and the lack of tangibility to personally affect them on a larger scale like I should just make a post#on like cutting out the face when it comes it confronting systems of oppression rather than tag talking but just ask me to clarify if#you want that like im jus trying to say we avoid talking about Jimmy and PE so much cause it is obvious what they do wrong that we make#the initial and inherent problem out to be one aspect someone in this case Curly does and the the constraints they use to force actions
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an ii/su crossover would be fun just for the trichotomy of light-based beings. inorganic light/organic light/whatever the ii contestants are
#wheucto#wheucto speaks#ii spoilers#ii 16 spoilers#for the mechanics of how i'd make the crossover work i'd have SU and II take place on the same planet_ where gems are the same but humans -#- are now objects instead. and whatever changes that entails#i'd say the world is mostly however it is in SU with companies from II... don't think II has much else to contribute there#NEways about the light-based beings trichotomy.#first off_ ii contestants are probably like some sort of hologram thing? since the way mp4 generates objects (animate or otherwise) -#- is probably because of the one shimmer that cobs abducted.#anyways. gems are created for a specific purpose. they only sort of share this with the contestants_ who may be made to act a certain way -#- but are still able to grow and change. the exact details of their creation is Unclear. and mephone mightve not created them consciously#- but he does seem to want them to be a certain way_ though they have certainly changed from their original states of being#on the other hand_ shimmers are definitely organic beings. they seem to reproduce: they have younger members of their species. they grow -#- and change. no shimmer was created for any specific reason (probably) they just... live. they Are. like humans Are#gems are definitely inorganic. a stated fact. they're closer to robots_ really.#but the contestants are in this weird inbetween state. they're made of organic light. they're made to be like a physical_ organic people. -#- but they're made by a robot. created by code. they even glitch!#also the gems and shimmers are aliens. would they have met? maybe#i heard in SU intelligent organic life is super rare - though for this AU we can just ignore that <3#since shimmers are pretty advanced its possible that the gems me them and decided not to like attack them (too much trouble or smth)#maybe a little abduction to test the shimmers' organic light. i'd seem them do something like that
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everytime i think im done ranting i remember something else LMFAO this one is extra long i hit tag limit god mf damn
#self#for instance.....my mom wants me to cut off everyone who is still tied to the school#and im so mad at myself for feeling a certain type of way when the campus manager called me not too long ago basically to tell me she doesnt#trust the girl who did this shit and she wasnt mad at me but was also mad at me for bringing her to her dads house#for reference we were trying to get a cat from the campus managers dads house LMFAO#and i honestly cannot wait to speak to her again and be like đ god dammit you were right like you were every single time#i just dont understand the wiring in her head to think the shit she says and does to people is normal and okay and how she doesnt realize it#is literally a mental health break. when i finally told my mom the first thing she said was shes probably off her medication#which.....probably isnt wrong sadly coming from someone who has borderline and very easily can lose it#but the difference is i dont give in to the urges to try to hurt everyone around me in every way i can#and me and her have said before that we thought she might also have borderline because we were very similar#but god damn does she love proving that if she has it its extremely severe or its something else entirely#on an honest note. shes incredibly narcissistic and i know her mom is part of the reason shes that way bc she was given princess treatment#her entire fucking life and then doesnt understand when other people dont treat her the same way#i hate rambling about this and i hate it that it is bothering me so fucking bad but like ???#if youre going to decide that you can put our past aside period and move on then fucking do that and stop bringing the past up as a way to#hurt me and the people around you???? she acts like shes not done horrible fucking things to people. so sorry i wrote a letter that was very#honest at the time. so sorry that when you found out i apologized for it and said i regret it because 2 weeks after my apology i no longer#regret writing it. if its making school a living hell for you....theres probably a reason for that girlfriend#i am not the person who put that shit in your folder#though i seriously fucking doubt its actually in her folder shes probably assuming it is#and youre the one who made a complete ass of yourself to every educator that ever stepped foot in that building#that has nothing to do with me that you are a literal warning given to every new educator!!!! i havent even been in school there in months#yet IM the problem??? how am i the problem when i graduated in fucking january???? everything since then falls on you#AND YET AGAIN! MIGHT I MENTION! IT IS NOT JUST MY LETTER!!! THERES AT LEAST 2 OTHER ONES!!!!!#BECAUSE IM NOT THE ONLY PERSON SHE DOES THIS SHIT TO!!!!#god sometimes i sit back and realize that theres a reason she regresses as a person and i do not#im not going to sit still anymore and let someone walk all over me and she can thank herself for that#shes who taught me that blocking and running as fast as i can doesnt fix anything#so here we are bitch. youre not blocked and im sure youre sitting at home thinking about how youre right about everything
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Podcast I'm listening to (Struggle Care) just made the point "people truly can't imagine a world where empathy and accountability happen in the same place" and this is all in relation to the idea of co-dependency but i think it's a really good point in general
#im not gonna get too much into the weeds here but i think this is a really good way of describing the way i've been learning to think lately#and it's something that i think is often difficult for people because there's this attitude of ''you're making excuses'' vs.#''you're overreacting''#one is harsh and the other is dismissive and in most situations where harm has been done the most productive response#is neither of those things#like#one of the best and most infuriating things ive ever jad to accept is that *everyone*#literally *everyone*#is doing their best#yes i also hate this but#from their perspective and from the version if reality they are operating in#i genuinely think everyone is just trying to live the best way they know how#but accepting that is not the same as saying ''no one should be held accountable for the fucked up shit they do''#it's just saying that people act in certain ways because of reasons and we can have understanding for that even if#we find those reasons to be wrong and the actions unacceptable#you can hold two seemingly opposing truths in your mind simultaneously#i genuinely think learning how to do this as a society would do A LOT of harm reduction
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i think im allowed to assume someones consuming their kinks in a harmful-to-others way if I have first hand experience with them sexually abusing me, personally.
#do i think they always do it in a harmful way? no. because i dont see the world in black and white. statistically thats impossible#but i think its safe for me to assume the worst in this situation with this specific person. personally#instead of trying to make me second guess if i should be so harsh on my abuser and keep my arms closed entirely maybe#we should be confronting them on being a better person for once#yaknow instead of insisting that i need to heal or change or whatever and the fault all lies in me and never in them#food for thought#i promise me being disturbed by and wanting to avoid certain kinks isnt worse than them being sexually abusive. like i really promise.#if you think i do more harm being uncomfortable than they do by sexually abusing ppl then idk what to tell ya#and a lot of the kinks that make me uncomfortable and i try to avoid are the ones they have#forgive me if trauma makes me weary. i mean fuck dude it takes years for me to even feel like i can trust someone enough to be my friend#now you're telling me i hafta jump all the way to trusting ppl wont misuse their kinks towards me? im sorry what world do you live in#i already dont trust a lot of cis men for that reason it doesnt suddenly change just bc you're queer. i gotta know you're not#a sexually abusive creep to even BEGIN to touch the subject of kinks w you#which explains why me and my abusive ex never got that far in that conversation đ#cis men have a lot of kinks that just hearing them makes me suspicious because personally i have lived with a cis man who sexually#abused me and was very secretive about his kinks and is the type of person to act one way but then is secretly a pos#so yeah im a little fuckin weary dude. im not assuming people with certain kinks are bad by default but id be lying if i said certain#kinks dont make me a little on edge to hear about someone having. and i'd probably take an even longer time sussing that person out#sorry but i just dont need to be sexually abused again. and for me rn avoiding that is being weary of certain things.#a lot of it is context too... a group of people pretending to be super familiar with me and wanting to dive into kink stuff right away bc#we're all queer so it should be Fine and want me to come to their place that i need to take a car to at night.... yeah gonna pass#but thats why im saying a good long ol' sussing is needed for me to feel ok. if you have an issue with me needing to feel like i#can trust someone to be around them thats just.... really weird. obv i cant always control that but i mean specifically situations i can#obligatory: none of this has to do w kink in public or anything this is all about my own personal life
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Astro Notes by Novy
â volume three
Aquarius placements get a rep for being emotionless but are often quite sensitive but just really good at hiding their emotions
Itâs not as commonly talked about as Leo placements but Libra/7h placements make amazing actors as well â example: zendaya is a 7h sun in western astrology
Asteroids in astrology are important but your regular natal chart planets, houses, aspects, degrees, and signs will tell you the most about your life and self
8h Venus' have the deepest most unconditional love for people. It doesnât matter what someone does to them they will still have care for them and want the best for them no matter how toxic. They genuinely canât help it
People with their North Node in the 12th house may experience lots of periods of isolation throughout their life
If you dream of dating your celebrity crush and have a Libra/Leo Sun, 5h/7h Sun, 5h/10h Venus, Venus at 5°/17°/29° or Sun to Venus aspects there is a possibility it could happen. Donât lose hope â example: hailey bieberâs venus at 29°
I personally havenât seen many same sign couples last long term. Not sure why
Iâve never met someone with Chiron in the 4th/8th/12th house thatâs had an easy life. These people tend to struggle a lot emotionally and be very misunderstood by society/people in general. Even people who have known them for years
Your North Node isnât your purpose alone itâs your potential. You have the choice to fulfill it or not. If you donât you will reincarnate over and over until you do
Having more square/oppositions than trines/sextiles doesnât make you a bad person. Iâve seen some people say this and I find it odd. Squares show obstacles we endure and oppositions show tensions/confusions we face in our life but just like Mars and Saturn energy theyâre not inherently âbadâ as these challenges can help you grow and you can turn them into positive energy if you choose to work through them properly
Youâll often be more attracted to the energy of the opposite sign of your 7th house than the 7h sign itself â example: if your 7h is in the sign sagittarius you might actually be attracted to gemini energy more often
The house your Sun is in can show you where youâre meant to shine and be successful â example: Sun in the 7th house can mean being successful in the arts or having lots of romantic relationships and ending up in a happy marriage one day
Your 2nd house sign can tell you whatâs most important for you to value in this life â example: if you have your 2h in the sign cancer then you should value your empathy/emotions and use it for good
Neptune is associated with nostalgia. People with placements like Neptune in the 1st house or 3rd house may struggle a lot with nostalgia and remembering certain memories better than they actually were
People with a water sun and libra moon are usually extremely musically talented in some way â examples: ariana grande, justin bieber, madison beer, olivia rodrigo
Most same (sun) sign couples never work out in the long run. Same moon sign couples (especially in sidereal) are more likely to last
The 12th house is associated with catfishing because itâs the house of illusion and impersonations. Lots of people who have gotten catfished (long term) before usually have Mercury or Uranus in the 12th house for this reason
Mars can tell how you are in the bedroom â example: a Virgo mars will please you a lot since the sign is associated with acts of service. Theyâre definitely the type to make you finish first
Someone with lots of Libra energy in their chart will often hold grudges because they seek harmony and when someone brings lots of negativity to their life itâs unlikely theyâll put up with it long term contrary to the popular âpeople pleaserâ reputation
Iâve personally noticed Capricorn Venusâ always make the best love songs
Check Mercury/Uranusâ house for insight on what you should post on social media to become more famous â example: mercury/uranus in the 10h could mean you can pretty much become famous from any type of video, mercury/uranus in the 7h could mean becoming famous from fashion/beauty/dancing/art videos or from posting with your romantic partner online, etc
Leoâs usually always have 3 or more children unless theyâre infertile
Everyone talks about how Capricorn/Aquarius placements can show delays but Taurus placements can as well as the sign is associated with slowness. example â a taurus ascendant may glow up later than most (iâve noticed this seems to be more true in my sidereal chart than western though)
Aries Venusâ do fall for people quickly but they can also move on very fast if you hurt them a lot. They hold grudges
A lot of Cancerâs have toxic relationships with Leoâs. Not sure why
Saturn is actually a planet that can give insight our job as well but not many people talk about it. It is the planet of âworkâ. example â saturn in the 2nd house can indicate being a singer, accountant, chef/baker, model, fashion designer, etc
Venus at 2° can indicate gaining wealth slowly over time. Most of these people gain wealth sometime in their late 20âs - 40âs
People with Venus to Jupiter aspects often end up being wealthy in life. Especially when itâs trine or square Iâve noticed
The house the Moon or Neptune is in can show where you have the most influence over others. example â moon in 5th house can indicate being a very influential actor
Everyone talks about Saturn in the 7th house being a bad placement but I think itâs very beneficial in the long run. Pluto in the 7th house is the real challenge. They often experience more toxic relationships than any other placement Iâve noticed
Aquarius Midheavenâs do NOT like 9-5 jobs. They hate being bossed around and often are more successful in careers where they have freedom and can share their own ideas with the world rather than be an employee
Leo Venusâ (and Leo placements in general) love very hard. Itâs why the body part Leo is associated with is the heart
Gemini Ascendantâs will NOT marry someone who isnât making them consistently laugh their ass off or who is too serious
Pisces placements are often great friends and really good at understanding people
Leo placements are known for being loyal but I actually find that theyâre only loyal to the people in their circle not people outside of it that theyâre not super close with
Cancer Saturnâs are very likely to spiral into a depression if they canât let go of their past
Iâve noticed a lot Taurus Mars will apologize and then continuously do the thing they apologized for without changing
Aries stelliums are the biggest daredevils. They often love amusement parks and will ride all the scariest rides
Libra/7h Moons can make a lot of money from acting in romance films â example: leonardo dicaprio in the titanic
Juno in the 7h/8h is a green flag. These people tend to be very loyal partners
Sagittarius/Pisces actually have the bigger egos since theyâre ruled by Jupiter the planet of abundance and the Sun represents the ego. Abundance of ego
Your solar return charts can tell about annual themes/energy, your lunar return charts can tell about monthly themes/energy, and your transits can tell about daily themes/energy
Mars/Pluto can show the things people tend to envy about us â example: people with mars/pluto in the 5h/7h should make sure they pick a very loyal partner because they tend to attract home-wreckers that try to ruin their relationships more than anyone else
People with Mars in the 7th house are always fruity. Like I donât think Iâve met someone with this placement that isnât at least bi
Libra/7h moons will legit move to a different location to be with the person theyâre in love with. They love very deeply
Aries moons got anger issues for days but theyâre really good friends to have because they wonât be the type to stay quiet when someone says something mean about you. Theyâre ride or die for their friends
Leo Jupiterâs (especially in sidereal) tend to have such amazing acting talent that people forget theyâre watching a film instead of a real life tape
Capricorn placements often have the reputation of being hard workers but letâs talk about Aries placements. When they want something they will have it. They never give up, their ambition is insane
#astrology notes#astro notes#astrology#astrology blog#astrology chart#birth chart#astrology community#astro community
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Should I read homestuck
tl;dr: no
actual answer: yes, but with some extremely important caveats.
Firstly, because Adobe shitcanned Flash, you can now no longer experience Homestuck in the form it was intended upon release... unless you download the Unofficial Homestuck Collection. This act of unbelievable, nay, saintly generosity by Homestuck's most dedicated fans allows you to experience Homestuck as it was intended - as close as is humanly possible.
"As close as is humanly possible" is the key phrase here. One indelible part of the original Homestuck experience was UPDATE! Homestuck would sometimes go weeks or even months (and later, years) between updates. I wasn't on Tumblr back in the day, but at the peak of Homestuck, even if you knew nothing else about it, you'd know when an update dropped because Tumblr's net traffic would increase something like three to fourfold. People would go apeshit bananas about whatever new revelations the Huss would drop on us.
You also need to realise that Homestuck is a product of its time and while its takes on sexuality and gender identity was pretty progressive (for its time), Huss did use the r-slur a bunch.
While we're on the subject of the author, Andrew Hussie (of whom my current understanding is that they have not changed name but go by they/them nowadays) is, in the most diplomatic possible terms, a very unique person. They are, at times, a visionary storyteller with genuinely fascinating ideas. At other times, they come off as kinda spiteful towards their readers.
Without meaning to dip into spoilers, some story beats seem (in my opinion) almost intentionally calculated to upset, irritate or mock certain fans. It never rises to the sheer vicious contempt that Steven Moffat had towards Sherlock's fanbase, but it does leave a bad taste in my mouth whenever I go back.
Additionally, and this is where a sort of birds-eye-view spoiler is unavoidable, the story suffers from the Game of Thrones pitfall of repeatedly increasing its own complexity by adding new plot threads without resolving existing ones, eventually leading to fatigue on the part of both the reader and the author. The arcs of a lot of characters just straight up get abandoned, while a couple of characters take an unnecessarily large amount of screen time.
There's one character in particular that the author openly states within the narrative (the author exists within the world of the story. It's... a whole thing) that they favour, and whose behaviour the story is warped to accommodate. You'll know exactly who I'm talking about almost the moment they show up.
Another reason I say that it's not really possible to read Homestuck as it was originally intended is because a lot of the shit that happens in it fits into the zeitgeist of the internet at the time any individual update was written. There's a whole section in the late middle third that is inextricably and very specifically tied to how it was like to use Tumblr in 2012.
Additionally, a lot of things have soured with time. There was the whole Hiveswap debacle (it was first announced in 2012. We got the first act in 2017. We got the second act in 2020. We do not even know if the third act will ever come out.). There were the legal threats. There were the Epilogues and Homestuck 2, which were... how do I put this? Not universally liked. There's been nearly a decade of discourse since Homestuck ended, and a lot of things haven't grown better with age.
All of that being said.
You should read it.
I cannot express to you just how big an impact Homestuck has had on internet culture. Even people who claim to hate Homestuck unconsciously use slang that it invented. Its unique ideas on storytelling, character design and narrative chronology have, in both subtle and unsubtle ways, changed the way millennials and Gen Z tell stories.
A lot of people were inspired to tell stories because of Homestuck - one example I always give to Lancer players is that Kill Six Billion Demons started as a comic on the MSPA forums (before it was homestuck.com, it was MS Paint Adventures), so Homestuck is in an indirect but demonstrable way responsible for the existence of Lancer. The sunglasses that Gideon Nav from the Locked Tomb wears have been explicitly stated by Tamsyn Muir to be Dave Strider's. Toby Fox made music for Homestuck, and worked on large parts of Undertale while living in Andrew Hussie's basement.
We also know someone in the Bluey creative team is a Homestuck, because...
There are subtle but direct references in Bojack Horseman, Hazbin Hotel, Steven Universe, Adventure Time - and those are just the ones that it's easy to prove! In a more general sense, I think there's a lot of cartoon series, movies, games, etc. that would either be very different or wouldn't exist if Homestuck hadn't happened.
It's certainly influenced my work.
I think, being very cautious to manage your expectations, that you should read Homestuck. At the very least, a lot of things people say on Tumblr will start to make, if not sense, a different kind of nonsense.
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âď¸Mild arcane spoilers âď¸
Miiight ruffle some feathers.
Not EVEN going to lie, unnecessary ship wars aside, the fan base has developed such a deep love and understanding for these characters (because letâs be honest, there are some pretty intelligent people giving eye opening analyses) that after the finale, it appears that we have a better understanding of them than the actual writers.
We deserved better as the audience after all the hype over the years, all the waiting, even after some episodes got leaked a while ago, most of us remained respectful and waited to see what this season would bring us. The core characters ABSOLUTELY deserved better as well.
It felt as if I was watching all of the charactersâ development be erased in real time, or become sidelined and nearly mute after being propped up to appear as if they were going to have a significant arc.
With the amount of episodes we had, it felt like they were trying to cram a bunch of different storylines into one 9 episode season and that left us with annoying plot holes and rushed sequences.
And Iâm just gonna say it.
If a certain relationship needed to be sacrificed if it meant that other characters had the proper development they needed and DESERVED, then I would have preferred that much, MUCH more than that undercooked finale.
Donât. Even. Get me started on that caitvi scene. In the cell? Right after that conversation she had with her sister? Donât give me that nonsense about how itâs vi reclaiming her power or something. (An actual weird ass statement from Amanda Overton in a Q&A video about how that was Vi reclaiming and working through her trauma in that cell).
No apology? No groveling for forgiveness? That little argument they had lasted like five seconds and didnât even address the earlier conflict that happened in the show after cait left vi. And before any of you say âcait apologized with her actionsâ
I donât care. Two things can be true at once, she can and should have apologized directly as well as displayed that with her actions.
Moving on to Mel??? We did not nearly have enough time to explore her new abilities as a mage, her armor, and her connection to the black rose. As I said, the storylines this season should have been more refined so we could focus on a central group of characters. They did nothing but hint at her armor from the end of season 1 all the way up until now.
Also maybe Iâm hallucinating, but did we ever find out what happened to the firelightâs tree?? Thatâs one of the main reasons Ekko and Heimerdinger went to the lab isnât it? HELLO?
Next on my list, Jinx. This girl has suffered to no end.
- Lost her whole family except for Vi.
- Almost died once and was brought back to life.
- Tried to end her life several more times
And you slap us all in the face by writing her off?
âOh but she may not be GONE gone, look at the glitching at the end!"
I. Donât. Care. Itâs the principle.
Iâm sick and tired of seeing characters that struggle with mental health and keep having one bad event after another happen to them, never receiving a proper ending. What messages are the writers sending with this? That death is basically the answer because thereâs no hope for them? Cool. That was not an honorable act of self sacrifice, that was plain insulting.
Instead, if they still really wanted to have a Jinx redemption arc and a chance to rekindle her relationship with Vi, having her tap into engineering for the betterment of Zaun would have been the better route.
We should have gotten an extra extended episode since this is last season for the Piltover/Zaun region, and for Jinx and Vi's story. I really want to blame Riot for being greedy and possibly becoming too cocky with the popularity of Arcane that they think anything would suffice because It's Arcane.
#riot got greedy#arcane#league of legends#arcane league of legends#arcane ambessa#ambessa medarda#mel medarda#arcane Mel#arcane jayce#jayce talis#viktor arcane#jinx arcane#vi arcane#vander arcane#Warwick#vi and caitlyn#caitlyn arcane#hextech#timebomb#arcane silco#young silco#arcane season 2#riot games#fortiche#arcane spoilers#arcane zaun#piltover#arcane act 3#arcane act three#arcane sevika
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I feel like disappointment in Biden is baffling to me because he was always a disappointment. He was the asshole who got to ride to power on the coattails of a better man. He told bizarre and repeated lies (despite getting caught at it and his team telling him not to) about having a Welsh coal miner dad when he did not and he stole that story from actual Welsh people. I read a profile of him years back that pointed this out and told the story of the time he straight up ignored good advice from an expert not to plant a certain kind of tree too close together and flew a bunch of them out to plant, at night because he was just too fucking excited about it, and they all died. Heâs not a smart man! Heâs charismatic ish and lacks principles and as far as I can tell doesnât really care about abortion rights or a lot of things weâd consider pretty critical to preserving freedom. I sincerely thought he couldnât become President because there were so many obviously better candidates in the pool. I underestimated the sexism and antisemitism in American politics, and when he became the candidate in 2020 I gritted my teeth and voted for him because the alternative was a man who is not only an idiot but also profoundly dangerous. Trump is not ha-ha crazy, heâs Mussolini crazy. He is not dangerous because heâs stupid, although that doesnât help; heâs dangerous because he does not care about anyone except himself under any circumstances and if that means he lets the far right push us straight into forced birth for white women and sterilization for women of color heâs going to do that. If that means conversion therapy for queers and death penalty for homosexual acts heâs going to do that. He has literally no limits. If he gets back into power, a whole lot of people are going to die, again. Itâs not a hypothetical because it happened the first time and heâs only going to get worse.
I am not, never have been, and never will be a fan of Biden. To pretend that he and Trump are in any way equivalent is wrong at best and another goddamn Russian psy-op at worst. To pretend that a third party candidacy is viable in the US is to completely ignore every election of your lifetime and your parentsâ lifetimes, and to further ignore the lesson of Ross Perot.
You cannot save Palestinians by not voting for Biden in November; the best you can do is chip away at his margin, and the worst you can do is see Trump elected so he can decide to do the worst possible thing in ever circumstance. Biden has Palestinian blood on his hands and watching this when we could have had Bernie or Elizabeth Warren instead is maddening. (I would have preferred Hillary to Trump, but I donât think sheâd be any different than Biden here. Theyâre both old-school politicians.)
I hate everything about this, and I hate that saying âmaybe donât put the man who literally said he would kill his political enemies in powerâ is seen as supporting genocide. Itâs acknowledging reality. Joe Biden as a person can eat rocks for all I care. I was kind of hoping heâd die sooner in his term so weâd have time to get used to and then vote for President Harris. (Remember when the line was âsheâs a cop, donât vote for herâ? Funny how thereâs always a reason not to vote for a woman or a person of color or someone you just âdonât likeâ and canât put a finger on why except she âseems angry.â Oh does she. How would she not? When Michelle fucking Obama, the picture of grace , STILL got called angry for having the nerve to be a Black woman with an opinion? When Hillary Clinton lost to a man with no political experience to her decades and who openly discussed sexually assaulting women? Would you have voted for President Harris? Or would you let Trump win again because you donât LIKE her personally and sheâs made decisions and statements you disagree with?)
Biden has both less power than his critics give him credit for and more power than his fans give him credit for. He needs to do more to pressure Israel and although itâs a delicate diplomatic situation Iâd rather see us fuck up our diplomatic relationship with Israel than watch more Palestinians get murdered for things like âwanting to eatâ and âexisting.â The line has been crossed, and he doesnât see it. Because he wasnât the best person for the job. Because they didnât get elected, because of sexism/antisemitism/racism. Hell, I have no idea what bootlicker Pete Buttegieg would have done here, but Iâd have given him a try. But no. We got Biden and weâre stuck with this reality where you can be as leftist as you want and still have to look at the situation and decide whether youâre comfortable contributing to a Trump victory through inaction. I want socialismâI want every single person on Earth to have clean drinking water, enough safe food, shelter, medical care, and educationâand Iâm going to vote for Biden, pissy as it makes me, because the only actual alternative is so, so much worse, for me personally as both a woman and a queer, and for everyone in America and the rest of the world who Trump would find reasons to hurt. What do you think the man who openly and repeatedly praises dictators is going to do when those dictators massacre their own people? Yes, we need to care about this genocide now. We also need to care about all of the other people who are at real risk, both at home and abroad. Would a Trump government agree to fund military intervention in Haiti without insisting on it being a colonial exercise in power? Would a Trump government roll back the restrictions on discriminating against transgender patients in healthcare? How would Trump respond if Orban started dragging people into the streets and shooting them en masse? How would Trump respond if China finally went for it and invaded Taiwan? There are more lives at stake here than mine or yours or even those of the Palestinians, who have deserved better for literally decades and are being mass killed in ways that should result in immediate sanctions, a war crimes trial, and the execution of Netanyahu.
The world deserves better from you than complicity in a Trump victory.
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Inanimate Insanity Episode 16 Spoilers!!!!
its been like, two days since episode 16, and people are already arguing about Mephone's age. He is a child, and this didnt come out of nowhere guys, he's always BEEN a child:
^post from 2018!! 5 YEARS ago!
^Brian reposting art (amazing art btw<3) where Mephone is described as a CHILD and drawing in a childish way.
^Brian saying that Mephone is so young he doesn't even know how to SPELL.
Now; heres some stuff ive been hearing in argument against him being a child.
"Cobs is infantilizing him." I agree with this to a certain extent, he is acting like Mephone is a child who cant comprehend anything like an abusive parent. but thats where it stops. Children can ALSO be infantlized! But aside from that, Cobs even says; "I forgot how young you are!" Parents don't say that to their adult children, because it makes no sense unless Mephone is a child.
Secondly, why would Brian and Justin be doing the same thing? They say he's young!
"He has an adult voice." Robots don't hit puberty! This means nothing. Unless youre saying that the creators implied hes an adult because hes voiced by an adult, well i'll have to refer you to the images above.
"He hosts an entire show." Arguably not very well, also again, he's a robot, and also, theyre on an island! its not like you need a permit to film on a random island in god knows where. Any child can "host" a show if they have enough determination, general knowledge of how they work, and equipment, and would you know it Mephone has all three! He knows how they work because he watched them in meeple, and he can generate any equipment he needs.
"He's a robot, he doesn't have an age." True..? sort of...? But the thing is, being legally defined as a child is based off your mental capacity. Children arent as mentally/emotionally intelligent as grown adults, because they don't have the life experience nor the capacity to be. Mephone barely has ANY life experience, he grew up in Meeple, and then started the show immediately after leaving. And obviously, in Inanimate Insanity (and all object shows), robots are almost always sentient beings, unlike real life.
"He's much more mature than a child, especially one that couldn't spell." Debatable! First of all, he thinks things like 'going to jail for one day' and 'the calm down corner' are terrible punishments, like children. If you tell a child to go sit on the stairs for 5 minutes and frame it as a punishment, they will take it as serious as anything else. Secondly, he literally decided to make a random species of bat.. things? fight to the death because they ate his four month old ice cream. No mature person would do that... Thirdly, abused children ACT more mature than others because they HAVE to be. Abused children are not ALLOWED to act like children. They have to be mature for themselves because who else is going to be? Who else is going to take care of you when your parent doesn't? But that doesn't mean they arent still a child.
So now we tread into questionable territory. Is it okay to deny the idea that he is a child at all costs, just so you can ship him or sexualize him? There is really no other reason why you would deny that he is a child.
Now obviously; lets not harass anyone who has drawn ship art of him or sexualized him in the past. This stuff was not commonly known, most people thought he was an adult. But if you look deeper, he isn't.
Thanks for coming to my ted talk, if anyone reads this far ( ̄^ ̄)ăI know I usually only post art, but this is an important topic to me as i am very hyperfixated on Mephone4 i swear i can't control it guys!!
Feel free to make any counter points, im open to discussion, but i am also very set on this opinion. Have a good day everyone!!â
#please reblog this guys i spent 27 minutes writing this#ii mephone4#inanimate insanity mephone4#mephone ii#mephone4 ii#inanimate insanity invitational#mephone4 inanimate insanity#inanimate insanity 2#inanimate insanity 3#ii fanart#ii 16#ii 16 spoilers#inanimate insanity spoilers#ii spoilers#mephone4#mephone#mephone 4#steve cobs#ii steve cobs#inanimate insanity#object shows#object show fandom#object show community#osc community#osc#brian koch when i catch you brian koch#ii
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Holy shit I love your Dirk interpretations, it's so true and I could talk about this shit forever. I feel like another part of his character that people seem to forget (along with Roxy for some reason) is that he's from the future in solitude in an apocalyptic wasteland. I just see that part of his character always removed which is disappointing because I feel like that's a pretty big part, especially regarding his themes around technology, his brother's theme of Time, his own isolation, and how he plays in the vastness of the universe and spacetime.
Art I drew related to the subject because I like to respond to asks with art.
But absolutely. I certainly understand where the lack of discussion over his isolation + upbringing comes from, considering a majority of the fanbase that I have seen builds their ideas based on their own version of postcanon. Iâm not entirely sure how that would be fixed, but certainly even in the somewhat recent past I would see a lot more content regarding his upbringing both literally and symbolically. I donât have much to add regarding the things youâve mentioned, because they just are what they are. Dirk being confined to a singular room left to him by a father figure he never met, in a future where the only other person left on the planet is someone he cannot pursue a relationship of because of himself, with purely 3 robots to keep him companion, one being an exact replica of his own brain who is *also* trapped inside a pair of glasses, is about as literal as it gets to me.
The contrast to me involving the flooded, organic world in comparison to the little speckle of Dirkâs apartment packed with the dude and his technics is not only a representation of his isolation and entrapment within himself, but also of his lack of control. I think his obsession with & themes of control are a direct product in the case of Dirk specifically *of* this kind of upbringing. His themes of technology are also related to his themes around control. So much of his character is actually revolved around this to me like so much. Dirk is so deeply disconnected from humanity in every way and so much of his character + symbolism is based around that.
It doesnât even have to be about the symbolism or anything though. Itâs just pretty *interesting* in the literal sense that he lives in the middle of the ocean in the future. Thereâs not only a lot to theorise on to do with his young life there, but on how it might affect him in the way he acts for the rest of his life. The latter part is probably what I see mentioned the most by people talking about Dirk regarding this, Iâm surprised I donât see more discussion on the former too though. I really ought to actually talk more about Homestuck stuff on here. I will do it myself.
Roxy & Dirkâs relationship is largely ignored though because there is a narrative a certain demographic spreads that Dirk resented and blamed Roxy for her interest in him, and thus too many people believe that their relationship was or would continue to be an abusive one. Realistically, I believe itâs important to acknowledge that the way Roxy treated Dirk regarding his homosexuality wasnât right while still acknowledging the obvious amount of respect and admiration Dirk had for Roxy. I mean we have a huge piece of dialogue from their post trickster mode conversations on the quest beds from Dirk purely stating how he feels about Roxy that people completely ignore somehow. I think this usually happens to characters that are women though. I know everyone says it, but it is true. Jane gets the exact same treatment of boiling her down to solely her negative aspects. The things I see completely mischaracterising both of them are horrific.
I mean how much more explicit can it get that their relationship is obviously very important to Dirk? But I digress. I think the best or I should say âmost interestingâ interpretations of their relationship usually come from DirkRoxy shippers actually.
I would be interested to hear about Dirkâs relation to his brotherâs theme of time though. I donât have any thoughts on this and I donât recall ever hearing anyone talk about it before. If you or anyone else would be willing to enlighten me Iâd be thrilled.
#homestuck#homestuck fanart#hs fanart#dirk strider#blooby posting#ask#Sorry for taking so long to reply to you on this. Iâve been in more of a drawing than a speaking mood lately#which is very unusual for me. This is definitely not as much of a post as it could be but Iâm still not back on my thought and speech game#I know the Roxy mention was in brackets but good lord the treatment Roxy gets from fanbase is insane. Couldnât help myself#Sorry if anything is worded badly. Iâm tired per usual#I think (with no malice in my heart) people just tend to leave out what they donât like about characters though.#I was very briefly talking with Pomme johnegbertirl#and it got me thinking about how far a lot of peopleâs interpretations of characters stray from what would be realistic to canon#based on their own biases. Which I guess I probably do too to a certain degree.#Iâm not one to judge people for their characterisations at all#I tend to be very forgiving when it comes to reads#but⌠I admit that is indeed a little disappointing to see how completely ignored some parts of his characters are.#Sorry for tangent that is tenuously related. It is relevant enough to shove haphazardly into tags#Iâm glad you like my Dirk ramblings though. Thanks brother#We live on
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áśť đ đ° .á tanjiro, inosuke, & zenitsu bf headcanons !! gender neutral reader
the cuties song -> www.spotify.com
đ â§âË â
tanjiro !!
- literally the cutest ever.
- heâs soso respectful and genuine
- if you want a boy that will genuinely listen to you and how you feel about certain things, get a tanjiro.
- he deserves sm love and heâd definitely put you in his top priorities while also making sure you werenât getting hurt in the process !!
- heâs a big fan of physical touch, so if youâre also training to be a hashira donât be surprised when everytime he passes you he brushes his hand up against yours. (HES SO CUTE IMA EAT HIM)
- WILL defend you.
- like if someoneâs talking bad about you heâs walking right up to them with no fear
- of course, he isnât aggressive so he would handle the situation calmly
- âwhy are you saying that about [name]-sama? did they do something to you?â
- will purposely choose you each time they get to pick who they want to train with, and will get a little jelly if u donât pick him
- but itâs fine !! as long as he sees you happy heâs happy.
- youâre one of the people he trusts with nezuko during the daytime, and will let you carry her box if you ask
- he enjoys seeing you and his sister spending time together, he feels like youâre genuinely apart of his family
- he finds comfort in you when heâs missing his family, and isnât ashamed to cry or show his true emotions infront of you
- he likes it when you hang out with inosuke and zenitsu too, but gets a little embarrassed if they act weird.
- like, if zenitsu starts flirting with you or inosuke starts screaming like a grizzly bear
- he knows you wouldnât judge him though, he just wishes his friends acted cooler around you !! because ⌠youâre so cool !!
- âi want to be with you forever, [name]-chan.â
â
đ â§âË â
inosuke !!
- ohh boy, you got this manâs attention.
- if you seriously got him to like you and date you, youâre the one and you donât have a choice
- youâre definitely his top priority besides defeating muzan
- like genuinely youâre right up there, youâre over his basic needs like eating and sleeping
- he can get a little flustered if youâre a fan of physical touch and decide to touch him in front of tanjiro or zenitsu
- but he secretly loves it, although heâd never tell you that !! (just kidding, he absolutely would but would make you swear to never tell anyone)
- WILL flex infront of you during training, especially his arm and back muscles. since heâs so flexible heâd show that off too
- âhey babe check this out!â (cue him spinning on his head, crashing into 4 different hashiras and getting in trouble)
- heâd have those moments where heâd just stare at you and gawk, not even in a weird way but genuinely just because he likes you so much
- like youâre so attractive !! and nice !! and⌠amazing !!
- if you were as flexible and strong as him just know heâd be picking you and training everyday and not hold back
- like heâd throw you over his head and if you lost heâd laugh at you, but if you win and knock him over your head heâd be head over heels
- he loves it when you beat him, which sounds crazy considering the fact inosuke is a pretty sore loser .. but when it comes to you and seeing how strong you are heâs so impressed
- that was one of the main reasons he started to like you
- youâre basically his idol, and that MEANS SOMETHIMG BRO !!!! RAAHGG !!
- i think his love language would be gift giving, hes definitely showing up to the demon corps with a pretty rock he found and putting it on your nightstand and wait for you to notice
- âinosuke! did you get me this?â
- ânoâ
â
đ â§âË â
zenitsu !!
- such a flirt we already know this
- but, heâs also extremely respectful
- he has pretty bad self control but if he genuinely likes you and who you are instead of just what you look like heâs actually a great guy
- heâs the definition of if he wanted to he would
- like, if youâre sad heâd get you 3 bouquets of roses and the other 3 would be outside because he couldnât carry them all
- ���zenitsuu!! you didnât have to do that!!â
- âif itâs for my lady/man iâd do anything!!â
- his love language is love in any form
- physical touch, gift giving, words of affirmation
- but omg does this boy needs words of affirmation
- thereâs a big part of him that feels unworthy of your love, like - you seriously love him? no way.
- will wake up with a HUGE smile on his face every morning with you being the first thing on his mind
- would beg to share a room with you alone, not for anything weird (although zenitsu is lowkey so weird) he genuinely doesnât want his friends to see you sleeping (âĽďšâĽ)
- he gets so jelly over every single thing, like - why do inosuke and tanjiro get to see you sleeping?! in your purest form!! ahhhhh!!
- would pick you every time during training and if you pick someone else heâs begging you to train with him until you finally give in and train with him
- if not and youâre adamant on training with somebody else heâs giving that person a death stare the whole time, no exceptions
- unless you tell him to stop, heâll try - but he canât help himself⌠youâre just so amazing
- he always talks to you about yalls future together and will actually get emotional as he speaks, holding onto your hands as he speaks about how yall are going to have 5 kids and a big house
- âi love you so much [name]-chan!!! i want you to marry me!!!â
â
yay thatâs it !! thx for reading guys :3 i might do the other hashiras next, but if anyone has any demon slayer requests PLEASE send them in, demon slayer is one of my biggest interests right now and i will go OFF while writing for you guys !! send em in !!
REQUESTS : OPEN
#demon slayer#tanjiro kamado#inosuke hashibira#zenitsu agatsuma#demon slayer x reader#tanjiro x reader#inosuke x reader#zenitsu x reader#gender neutral reader#headcanons#demon slayer headcanons#tanjiro headcanons#inosuke headcanons#zenitsu headcanons#theyâre the cutest#please help#i canât take it#THEYRE SO CUTE#I LOVE THEM :3333#yuff7e
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Mel being an empath
(Okay i just got say arcane has sparked passion in me i havenât felt for a show and fandom in yeeeears i havenât written a meta in forever so bare with me.)
Anyway at first watching act 3 the reveal of Mel being empath felt crazy like thatâs such a huge bomb that we didnât get build up on or much follow through but i do think it explains so much about her character. Traditionally empaths are written to be overly emotional or sensitive sort of like telepaths and being smart but Mel wasnât written like that sheâs quite calm and collected her most emotional outbursts are with her mother and jayce and even with jayce itâs only because heâs hurling accusations at her and she still remains relatively calm in her responses. I think her knowing peopleâs emotions wether she was aware of this or not plays into this she knows Jayce is coming from a place of hurt and confusion where as her mother back in season one she knows sheâs being disingenuous with the reasons of being in piltoverďżź.
First watch this just seems like a disgruntled ďżźdaughter and her mother trying to get on her good side but knowing that Mel can read peopleâs emotions adds another layer she see right through her mother which not only from just being raised by her but through her her empath skills.
also wanted to bring this up someone pointed this out tiktok and someone else pointed out that this maybe because weâre seeing this scene through Melâs POV and since she is empath she see that Maddie is secretly enjoying executing Caitlyn. This got me thinking about her career as council member/politician Iâve wondered how she got so high up while seemingly not only being the youngest member but being young period if sheâs assumed to be Jayceâs and Victorâs age this makes her about 24-27 in s1 which is extremely young for council member which essentially this regionâs governing body. Being able to sense peopleâs true intentions allowed her to know who to align herself who not to, knowing when people agreed and disagreed with her, or when people sympathize with your views, causes, or concerns on certain issues which all helped her advance quickly her career. Iâm sure being from a high born house helped but we see other high born houses in council positions but theyâre all older.
She also seems to be somewhat bored with politics and somewhat disillusioned when we meet her i mean giving a fellow council member a childâs toy almost like a practical joke doesnât seem like someone who views politics and her colleagues with utmost seriousness it isnât until she meets Jayce that we see the passion for change. I think being empath she saw that Jayce and Vicktorâs vision for hextech and Piltover and Zaun were pure and genuine which is why she supported them. I also hate the rhetoric that Mel never loved jayce and just manipulated for her own gain she does everything in her power to stay true to him and Vicktorâs vision she doesnât push him to do anything that goes against their morals and goals. When Jayce is worried about Vicktor and his absence at the council may lead to she reassures she wonât let them corrupt their dream. Like i said early she isnât written like a typical empath she also isnât written like a typical manipulator(if you can call her that) she is genuine in what sheâs says to Jayce she just also knows how people work and his feelings on the matter so sheâs able to play on that.
Ambessa describes her to be too soft and she tells Jayce she didnât Medarda standards i think the way she operates as empath is the cause of that I donât think Mel is welling to corrupt herself or others when getting what she wants unlike her Mother and the rest of her family i think they operate much more cut through in their goals.
Whew anyway mind any typos i didnât mean for this be as long as turned out just wanted to share revelation i had!:)
#mel medarda#mel arcane#arcane ambessa#arcane#arcane mel#empath#arcane season 2#arcane season one#arcane season two#arcane spoilers#arcane piltover#piltover and zaun#arcane zaun#meljay#jayce talis#arcane jayce#mel x jayce#jayce x mel#melâs powers#mel season 2#ambessa medarda#ambessa league of legends#mel and ambessa#mel and jayce#noxus#arcane noxus#also like#please follow me if youâre mel fan i want to discuss her more
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I've noticed that people take writing advice way too literally and then get really mad about it, so here's a quick guide of what the typical "bad' writing advice is actually trying to tell you.
[Note: you don't have to take literally any piece of advice. It's just there for your consideration. If you hate it, leave it and do things the way you want. But the reason all of this advice is regurgitated so often is because it has helped a lot of people, so it's okay if it's not for you, but it may still be life changing for someone else.]
Write Every Day
"Write every day" is NOT supposed to be a prescriptivist, unbreakable rule that dictates anyone who doesn't write literally every day isn't a real writer. It's supposed to be a shorthand way of saying "establish a writing routine. Get used to writing at certain times or in certain places or in certain patterns, both so that you can trick yourself into writing even when you don't feel like it by recreating certain conditions, but also because if you only write "when you're in the mood", you may never get around to finishing a project and you likely won't be able to meet publishing deadlines if you decide to pursue publication."
The point of this advice is basically just to get used to seeing writing as part of your daily routine, something that you do regularly. But if you decide you can't write on Tuesdays or weekdays or any day when you have certain other activities, that's literally fine. Just try to make it a habit if you can.
2. Show Don't Tell
"Show don't tell" DOES NOT AND HAS NEVER meant "never state anything plainly and explicitly in the text". Again, "show don't tell" is a shorthand, and its intended message is "things tend to feel a lot more satisfying when your reader is able to come to that conclusion on their own rather than having the information given to them and being told they just have to accept it." It's about giving your reader the pieces to put the puzzle of your book together on their own rather than handing them a finished puzzle and saying "there. take it."
So if you have a character who's very short-tempered, it's typically more satisfying that you "show" them losing their cool a few times so that the reader can draw the conclusion on their own that this character is short-tempered rather than just saying "He was short-tempered". Oftentimes, readers don't want to take what you tell them at face value, so if you just state these sorts of details, readers will push back against that information. People are significantly more likely to believe literally any information they are able to draw conclusions on without being told what to believe, so that's where this advice comes in.
3. In Medias Res
This one is so often misunderstood. "In medias res" or "start in the middle", DOES NOT MEAN to literally start halfway through your plot. It also DOES NOT MEAN that you should start in the middle of an action packed scene. It just means that when you start your story, it should feel like the world and the characters already existed before we started following them. It shouldn't feel like everything was on pause and the world and characters only started acting the moment the story begins.
This is why starting with a character waking up or something similar can feel jarring and slow. We want to feel instantly compelled by your character, and the most efficient way to do that is [typically] to have them already doing something, but that something can be anything from taking a shower to commuting to school to chopping off a dragon head. We just want to feel like the story is already moving by the time we enter.
4. Shitty First Drafts
The idea that you should let your first draft suck and not revise it as you go is a tip presented to combat the struggle a lot of people have with not being able to finish a draft. If you find you've been working on the same first draft for five years and barely gotten anywhere, you might want to try this advice. The point is to just focus on getting to the ending because finishing a draft can give you renewed energy to work on the book and also makes it easier to get feedback from readers and friends.
That said, if your story is flowing fine even as you go back and make edits, then don't worry about this. This is advice specifically designed to target a problem. Likewise, this doesn't mean that you can't clean up typoes when you see them or even make minor edits if you want to. It just means not to let yourself get completely bogged down by making changes that you never move forward.
A "shitty first draft" also doesn't mean that your story has to be completely illegible. It just means that you shouldn't let perfectionism stop you yet. I see a lot of people say "well, I can't keep going until this first part makes sense", and that's totally reasonable! Again, the point of this advice is just to get you out of that rut that keeps you from making progress, but if you spend a couple weeks editing and then move on or you find the book is still making forward strides while you edit, then you're fine. You don't need this.
5. Adverbs
The idea that you "shouldn't use adverbs" DOES NOT MEAN that any time you use an adverb, you're ruining your story. It just means that you shouldn't *rely* on adverbs to carry your story, namely in places where stronger verbs or nouns would do a lot more heavy lifting.
For instance, you can write "she spoke quietly", but generally speaking, that "quietly" there is a lot weaker than just subbing out this clause for "she whispered". You probably have the word "spoke" all over your draft, so subbing out one instance of it here for a stronger verb in place of the same verb + an adverb makes for stronger prose. This doesn't mean that you'll never want to use the phrase "spoke quietly" over the word "whispered". For instance, if I write, "When she finally spoke, she spoke quietly, like that was all the volume her weakened lungs could muster." In this case, I'm using "spoke quietly" specifically *because* it echoes the previous spoke earlier in the sentence, and it evokes a certain level of emotion to have that repetition there. I also used it because she's not actually "whispering", but trying to speak at full volume only to come off sounding quiet.
So when people tell you to cut adverbs, they're saying this because people often use adverbs as a crutch to avoid having to seek out stronger verbs. If you're using your adverbs intentionally, having considered stronger verbs but ultimately deciding that this adverb is what does the job properly, then there's nothing wrong with using them. This is just a trick to help you spot one common weakness in prose that a lot of authors don't even realize they have.
6. Write What You Know
This is potentially the single worst-underestood piece of writing advice. "Write what you know" DOES NOT MEAN to write only what you know or that you have to put all of your life's knowledge on the page. It just means that drawing from your own experiences and already there knowledge will help you craft a better story.
So, for instance, being an eye doctor doesn't mean you have to write a story about an eye doctor. It doesn't even mean you need to write a story that directly deals with any eye knowledge. It just means that there are likely things you've experience as an eye doctor that can help inspire or inform your story. Maybe you remember a patient who always wore the same yellow shoes, and so you include a character who does exactly that. Maybe you spent a lot of hours dealing with insurance so you decide to write about insurance agents. Maybe your practice was located next to a grocery store so you decide to write a zombie apocalypse story that takes place in a location inspired by that shopping center.
The point is that, as people, our lived experiences allow us to relate to other people and craft more believable worlds. So don't limit yourself to your lived or experience or feel obligated to only write the things you've done, but when you find yourself wondering what to write about next or how to give a character more depth or how to describe this random location, pull things from your life and let what you already know bring a certain level of unique you-ness to your writing.
And the MOST important advice I can give you is to stop looking at writing advice as some holy, unbreakable rules passed down by the gods that you cannot ever deviate from. And if a piece of advice sounds totally bonkers, do some research on it. There's a good chance that whoever's passing it to you has no idea what they're talking about. But even if every other writer swears by a certain piece of advice, you absolutely do not need to take it. Try it on if you want, and throw it away if you don't, but stop making yourselves miserable by letting random internet people dictate your life. Most people giving advice on the internet aren't where you want to be anyway, so don't expect them to be able to guide you somewhere they've never been.
Everything's made up, and nothing matters. Write what you want.
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A few imperfect thoughts about writing fat characters respectfully
By me :
A short (5'2"), fat (approx 300 pounds), middle aged (turning 42 thank god), married to not a fat man, mother of a pre-teen, white, CIS, Anglo, Canadian, upper-middle class woman who writes fic (including smut) about a character who is fat by TV and Hollywood standards (Penelope Garcia)
Note: fat hate or debates about whether being fat is healthy or not will not be tolerated on this post. That is not what this post is about. This is about giving some insight into what writers may want to consider when trying to respectfully include more fat characters in their work and generally moving towards writing doing less harm to fat people.
This post started with me wanting to respond to someone honnestly asking "how do I write good descriptions of fat people" because they wanted to write more fat characters and write them authentically (and I assume in a way that would be respectful to fat people) which is an awesome! ...Or maybe it started a few months ago when a writer friend asked about whether a fat character in a fic borrowing a shirt or hoody from her fit boyfriend made sense. ...Or maybe it started way back when I started writing my first fan fic featuring Penelope Garcia partly in response to being irritated about how so many writers wrote her as a young woman and were often silent on her size or spent a lot of time on her insecurities about her body... anyhoo that's where I come from... doesn't make me an expert except maybe on my own unique experience with a fat body...rather more a fellow muddler / fat character writer enthusiast.
THE BASICS
This first part is a quick list of basics you'll read in other posts about writing characters in general - but we'd better get them out of the way because they apply:
Every character is unique and they way they act and think and feel tends to be a product of some mix of what they look like, how their body works or doesn't, how their brain works and doesn't, their "personality", what they were taught, their unique experiences, and the situation/society they are currently in. There are patterns (which is why we get tropes) but the fun thing is that small things can make big differences. So to write an authentic character, it helps to have a fairly clear sense of at least some of those elements and do some imagining about how all of that would funnel into the moment your writing.
The amount to which you describe character bodies and the style which you use to describe them tends to depend on genre, what the heck is going on in your story, the pov you're writing from, the reason you're writing etc. So their are no hard or fast rules. There may be norms for certain styles of fiction, but then it's up to you to decide if it's stronger for you to lean into those norms or to write "against" them at a particular moment.
In order to be more respectful and less harmful to fat people (especially if you see value in actively challenging the anti-fat status quo), you may have to change how you describe all bodies in your work, as well the attitudes both fat people and non fat people have about bodies in general.
Now that that's out of the way... let's get specifically to my thoughts on writing fat characters. I'm going to divide this part into tips for DESCRIBING FAT BODIES, FAT BODIES IN SPACE, and THINKING AND FEELING IN A FAT BODY.
TIPS FOR DESCRIBING FAT (OR OTHER) BODIES
I would say that both consistency and diversity across the work is important, by this I mean :
Consistently describe bodies in about the same amount of detail across your work for the same type of character regardless of body type. So protagonists should get about the same depth and breath of body descriptions as each other regardless of body type. Same goes for vilalns, supporting characters etc. Sometimes people are mute about the look and shape of "strait sized" character bodies (because what's to describe - they are just "normal") but then spend a bunch of time on "other sized" bodies or vice versa (in this case, the fat body is erased usually because of some form of internalised fat hate or phobia paired with "if you can't say anything nice" don't say anything at all.) If you're doing either of these things, I'm not saying it's wrong and has to be fixed- I'm just saying it's a flag that you may want to think about why you are writing differently about different body types and what your work is saying about what bodies have value and which don't.
Diversity Bodies in the real world come in a lot of different shapes and sizes (I know I know obvious woman strikes again) but if you are writing stories with fairly large casts and everyone has the same body type - there better be a good reason for it within the narrative. Truthfully there are cases where this does make sense to some degree... if you're writing about a group where there are physical requirements and standards for the folks in that world (ballet dancers, fire fighters, cops, soldiers, fbi agents) there may or may not be less diversity in body type and more homogeneous attitudes to body norms within the group - and certainly those who are outside of the norm may be commented on or feel like they are "other". But if you are in a more free setting - if you write without a diversity of body types - especially in settings where there is diversity - that is probably a clue that you're not thinking enough about what your various characters look like and may be "normalizing" one type of body over others. Similarly, if you are writing about a real time and place where there is evidence that there were fat bodies and you have none...that's another flag to ask yourself why.
The magical tools in your toolkit for describing fat and other bodies: Body neutrality and POV
Body neutrality is about not loving bodies and not hating bodies just accepting bodies as they are....or in this case describing them as they are. No poetic language. No judgement. Just this is what this character looks like. If you're struggling to do this, I suggest doing a body map for at least two characters with different body types - possibly one that you find easy to think of positively (in this case likely someone thin or at least fit) and one that you find more difficult to describe positively (in this case someone fat).
Describe them head to toe, naked and then clothed, in detail - acurately but not poetically. Start with their feet and then work up bit by bit. Pay attention to things like hair, scars, shape of joints, acne, tightness or looseness of skin, colour of skin, nails, fat, lack of fat, muscle tone, where do they hold their stress, what's in the bowels, how well they do or don't work, do they have their appendix, what they ate last, proportions (is their torso long or short compared to their legs), lungs - how much do they hold, are they healthy? - now describe their throat, shoulders, hands, hair, then end with face.
The only rule is no positive or negative connotations to anything. it's neither good nor bad that they have stretch marks - they just do and they have faded to silver. Now that you "see them' clearly - now look at them through the eyes of someone who loves them in a familial way...what do they see most? what words do they use? now through someone who is attracted to them sexually and love them and aren't ashamed...what do they see most? what words do they use? Now through the eyes of someone who hates them or wants to change them? or a child? or a dog? Now... how does your character feel about these descriptions? Now you have a variety of words you can draw on to describe the body and you also should have a fairly good idea of what is a more skewed view of the body and a more realistic view.
Also...it can be helpful to remember there are no consistently good or bad words to describe bodies - it depends on context and who is using the words. It's a lot like how sick can be used to describe something negatively or positively depending on the agreed upon meaning of the word by a group.
DESCRIBING BODIES IN SPACE/MOTION
Ok here's the thing - for every activity you can think of - there is a fat body that does it well and a fat body that can't do it easily or at all and there are a lot of reasons for both. Often it has to do with the fact that a lot of equipment is built for people who are 250lbs or less; and anything for bigger people tends to cost a premium. Also, if it's not an easy new skill to acquire with the body you've got...it may take longer and more bravery to keep pushing through to achieve mastery. People may try to discourage you from pursuing things. Sometimes out of prejudice, sometimes out of impatience, sometimes out of caring.
So deciding what your character's body can do easily and what it can't and why is more important than me giving you a list of words for how to describe fat movements.
My suggestion is: do your research. What sorts of body types have done the activity in the real world? What are the exceptions? What changes? So for example if a fat person is climbing a mountain - do they need more help? Different equipment? A different route?
Things to consider:
- equipment / things that can have weight limits: bunk beds, roller coasters, scooters, waterslides, camping chairs, elevators, trampolines, some bikes, life jackets (finding one that fit was a nightmare), exercise balls, airline seats (learning to ask for the seatbelt extender without second thought or shame was a lifesaver)
- not all fat people have pain, those who do will move taking into account the specifics of the pain - same as a lean person
- when I was pregnant I just got more cylindrical and did not get a classic belly. I moved well and easily all the way through my pregnancy, I had none of the back pain or ankle pain some people get. I stood for a lot of my labour. I gave birth on my hands and knees. Other fat people will have had different experiences of pregnancy...but that was mine.
- clothing can have a huge impact on what bounces or jiggles and what doesn't
- most (but not all) fat people I know are particularly sensitive to appearing sweaty or smelling bad
- how winded someone gets is not directly correlated to body size, neither is heart rate or breathing style; I have theatre training and grew up swimming - I breath very slowly and very deeply normally - so when I talk a slow deep breath...it is very slow and deep indeed. I have always been fat but can swim forever - I have always gotten winded and kind of dizzy running... Other fat people may be opposite.
- people do not "see fat" consistently. People regularly underestimate how fat I am (by 100+ pounds or many clothing sizes) because I am short, well spoken, proportioned in a way that is seen as fairly typical, and very mobile and very light on my feet. Someone who weighs less than me but is slower moving, dull witted, in a sour mood, is illl, or poorly dressed may be perceived as much heavier than than someone the same weight or heavier who is behaving/clothed differently (which can change how much fat hate someone experiences) and definately heavier than they are. Height also changes how people perceive weight.
- many stores still don't carry plus sized clothing, but eventually i sort of got used to it - although some days it makes me angry and other days sad
- chairs with arms or the occasional booth can be uncomfortable or just plain impossible to sit in, it's probably partly my ADHD but I often forget this until it happens; for taller and fatter people than me this can be a much more regular occurrence.
- once (if) a character figures out how to dress/move their body in a way that feels comfortable and meets general standards (or at least theirs) of respectability - they may not think that much about their body...or at least until something external draws attention to it
- I don't like feeling like I'm squishing people, so I will make myself small and still on buses or at the theatre, I also don't like sitting on laps or being lifted or carried.
- I often feel much taller than I actually am - except when I am standing right beside someone taller or am trying to reach something on a high shelf. The same principle applies - I feel larger next to smaller people and smaller next to larger ones.
- clothing and what I'm carrying also changes how I move (just like my lean counterparts)
- I don't lounge, my car seat is set almost straight but I sit further back than my brother in law who has a similar height and weight - he leans the seat back but pulls closer. I don't nap. My leaner husband both lounges and naps.
- some fat folks eat, walk, and move quickly - some slowly; figuring out which your character does, when they behave "out of character", and why these are their preferences will go a long way to creating an authentic feeling fat character
- acne is a thing and learning to accept ones rolls and tummy aprons (and thus take care of them properly) is a common challenge; although many do it naturally without thinking much of it. You lift your breasts and wash underneath - you lift you belly and wash underneath.
- fat bodies have the same reactions as everyone else: they tingle, burn, get numb, get goose bumps, like to be touched in certain places and in certain ways, feel the breeze, get hot, get cold, shiver, stretch, relax, get aroused, feel release, hold tension, feel capable and strong, feel weak...no matter who you are sitting in a chair that's too small for you will put pressure on your body and feel uncomfortable or safe ..you can explore what that is like. Sometimes it is a reassuring sensation. Sometimes it is uncomfortable. This is the same for fat bodies. It just may happen more frequently and depending on your character's context and experience the emotional reaction / thoughts that are generated may be a bit different.
THINKING AND FEELING IN A FAT BODY.
I think I touched on some of this in some of the earlier sections...but here I want to talk a bit about my experience of being fat and my thoughts about it - your fat characters may or may not feel similarly...but my hope is that you at least think about options as opposed to only writing one or two types of fat character.
I mainly "feel" fat in moments when it is pointed out to me or I am limited in what I can do because of it
I quite like my body, it is my home and I feel very connected to it's features. In my experience this is unusual for many people in North American society regardless of actual body shape or weight. Sometimes I feel guilty for not hating my body the way "I am supposed to" and wonder vaguely if my body would be different if I could hate it more (although as I get older I doubt it).
I do feel some pressure to be a cheerful "good" fat person as a way to stay safe and survive.
Nothing makes people more uncomfortable than me calling myself fat without judgement or asking for accomodation matter of factly. It took me a long time to feel comfortable doing so, but I do it now all the time and it makes my life better.
I felt some pressure to be the fun friend who people feel comfortable eating whatever they wanted with and I often felt like I was depended on to order dessert so they could too. This may have been all in my mind though.
Fat bellies can be very intimate places.
Not all fat people have dieted, but many have. I was lucky enough to never be forced into a diet. I did try keto once but it was a bit intense and nuts so I stopped. I learned a bunch doing it though.
Medical people not treating you appropriately when your fat is 100% a thing.
Internalised fat hate and fat phobia is a thing for many fat people and it pops up at weird moments.
I don 't.give a damn about being in a bathing suit. As long as it fits and my boobs and butt.aren't.falling out - I am happy and feel very attractive. In fact I am probably at my most comfortable in a bathing suit or naked. My body is mine in both those instances.
To reach the "healthy weight" for my height - I would have to lose half of my body mass. That is a lot of me to loose. Embarking on something like that would be totally different than loosing 5 or 10 pounds. Trying to navigate the various medical opinions about whether being fat is bad or not is exhausting.
For me, being fat and older is easier than being fat and younger. This could easily be the opposite for someone else.
Some fat people are into sex, some are not . Some folks are into sex with fat people and some are not. Some are nice about it. Some are not. Some want nice. Some do not.
Fat people are all around you living their best life or their worst life or somewhere in between. We know we are fat. We sometimes care and sometimes don't.
Ok that's it. I don't know if it will help anyone or if it's just a collection of rambles - but at the end of the day...fat people are just people. We are not going to go away. We are all sorts. We are the heroes of our own stories. We are people who are loved, depended on, hated, ignored, and/or spotlighted.
Some fat people think about being fat all the time. Some rarely. Just please don't erase us or other us.
Just by taking the step to interrogate your own biases and any feelings / assumptions you have about fatness/thinness is a huge step and will help limit the harm you could unintentionally do to fat people...actually to all people. Like all forms of hate and intelorance - Fat hate hurts EVERYONE. I would argue it privileges a few...but even that can be excruciating for the individuals who strive to retain that priviledge. We need to dismantle it.
#writing#writing fat characters#fat phobia#fat hate#long post#personal#body neutrality#body posititivity#writing about bodies
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Where Did the Time Go?
Pairing: Best Friend!Bucky Barnes x Female Reader Summary: You decide not to drink during game night, which leads to an interesting conversation with Bucky. Word Count: 1.6k Warnings: Light angst, tension, friends reconnecting, unrequited feelings (or so you think), slight feels (it's me), Bucky Barnes (yep, he's a warning) Previous Part of AU: We'll Always be Friends A/N: More Dreamboat and Butterfly from my Reconnect AU! â¤ď¸ Beta read by @whisperlullaby, but any and all mistakes are my own. Please follow @navybrat817-sideblog for new fics and notifications. Comments, reblogs, feedback are loved and appreciated!
You werenât sure what exactly happened between dinner and now, but you decided that the fun game night wouldnât include drinking. You hadnât touched a drop of alcohol since your meal. Even then, you were pretty sure you didnât have much. Sharon brought out a bottle of wine before everyone finished eating and you took a sip of your glass out of obligation. If she noticed you didnât finish your glass, she didnât say anything, which you appreciated.
But you shouldâve known that Bucky would catch on.
âNot drinking tonight, huh?â He asked as he took a seat beside you on the couch. Steve and Sam set up a game table and were already a couple of drinks in. So were Sharon and Natasha. You werenât worried about them though. They could hold their liquor.
But can I hold my tongue if I drink? Or am I using that as an excuse?
âNot tonight,â you replied, holding up your cup of water. âSticking with water.â
âYouâre acting like we need a designated driver when weâre not going anywhere,â he joked, throwing his arm around behind the cushion, the same way he had at the dinner table. âAfraid Iâll kick your ass in Mario Kart if you get a little tipsy?â He asked, grinning when you smiled. âWe can have a tournament? Just the two of us?â
âHey, one of us might need to go on a liquor or snack run. You never know,â you said, setting your water on the table before you sank into the couch. âAnd it isnât exactly a tournament if only two people are playing, is it?â
âIt can be. We make our own rules,â he smiled as he moved a little closer. âRemember the time we had a tournament? We went to that shady looking liquor store after Sam spilled the last bottle of rum. The guy behind the counter had a bunch of clown masks.â
You laughed a little. How could you forget? âYes! We had to open the living room window so we could breathe. And the cashier was actually a sweet guy, but you glued yourself to my side before that because you were certain the guy had bad intentions,â you said. Bucky and his protective streak made you feel important.
Until you werenât.
Bucky mustâve noticed the change in your demeanor since he stopped chuckling. âSeriously though. Are you okay? Are you not feeling well?â
âI feel fine. I just donât need to drink tonight,â you said, touched that he showed concern for you before a weird expression crossed his face. âWhat? Do I have something in my teeth?â
âNo. Youâre, um,â he tapped a finger on his knee as he tried to find the words. âThere isnât a specific reason you arenât, is there? You're notâŚâ he trailed off, but his eyes drifted long enough to your torso to fill in the blank.
You never understood the expression about eyes widening to the size of saucers until you experienced it just then. âAre you asking if Iâm pregnant?â You whispered, careful not to speak any louder than that. The last thing you needed was the group questioning why Bucky asked such a question. âIf so, the answer is NO.â
The sigh of relief Bucky let out, you werenât sure what to make of it. âSorry. I'm sorry. You donât owe me an explanation for why you arenât drinking. I just. I don't know why my mind went there.â
You couldnât exactly tell him you're worried about getting plastered and revealing how you felt about him. Drunk confessions worked for some, but you didnât think the odds were in your favor. âI still canât believe you asked that,â you half teased, pointing at your stomach. âNot to mention, I havenât been laid in ages. So, unless it happens via immaculate conception, thatâs never going to be the case.â
The odd expression was back on Buckyâs face. What was his deal? âWhen was the last time you went on a date?â He asked with more interest than you expected.
âMonths ago. Minimum,â you said, looking up at the ceiling as you tried to recall the exact day. âHis name was Nick. We went on a few dates and he was nice enough, but he ended up getting serious with someone else. Havenât gone on another date since.â
The clench in Buckyâs jaw almost made you smile. He had no reason to look so upset on your behalf. âIâm sorry. Itâs his loss.â
âDonât be. Iâm kind of used to it,â you said with a nonchalant shrug.
âWhat the hell does that mean?â He asked, facing you on the couch and blocking the view of your friends at the table. âWhat exactly are you used to?â
Why does he sound upset? It's not like Iâm not his girl.
âIt means Iâm used to guys not picking me,â you said honestly. As much as it hurt to think that way, saying it didnât hurt as badly. âThink about it, Bucky. In all the time youâve known me, when have guys ever flocked to me? When have you ever seen a guy take a chance on me when Natasha and Sharon were there? They havenât and thatâs just the way it is.â
âThatâs bullshit. Youâre perfect. And maybe people do see you, but you donât see them,â he argued, quickly closing his mouth when he saw your expression. âIâm sorry. I didnât mean-â
âNo, I think thatâs exactly what you meant,â you said, sitting up to put some distance between the two of you as hurt filled his eyes. âI see just fine, thanks, but please enlighten me. Who saw me? Who did I overlook? Iâd love an example.â
There was no reason to get so defensive, but did he understand how you felt? People gravitated toward Bucky and your friends. They always had. You, on the other hand, were on the outside of the house looking in. It was tiring to be the one knocking on the door.
âWhat about your old friend, TJ? Youâre telling me he didnât see you?â He asked, a hint of bitterness in his voice. It wasnât a tone you heard from him before. It didn't suit him.
âTJ?â You asked, confusion written all over your face that you couldnât fake if you tried. âTJ Hammond? My old family friend? Um, no, he definitely doesnât see me.â
Not even close.
âHe stayed at your place after Steveâs party,â he said, running a hand through his hair as he avoided your gaze. âBet he couldnât wait to see you. Probably went over the second you got back from the trip.â
Wait, is he jealous? What the hell?
You laughed a little, unable to help yourself when he raised an eyebrow. âYeah, he did stay at my place for a bit after Steveâs birthday bash a couple of years ago. He had an issue with his boyfriend.â
Bucky did a double take, which wouldâve been humorous if not for the stricken look on his face. âBoyfriend?â
âYeah. The guy he dated at the time was a HUGE asshole and they had a falling out. His parents refused to let him go back home, so he stayed with me. And I couldnât kick him out. He needed a friend,â you said, your brows pinching when you recalled how TJ cried on your sofa. It was a heartbreaking sight. âHe has a new boyfriend now who treats him well and he couldnât be happier. And I couldnât be happier for him.â
Bucky blinked a few times. âSo, you two. You neverâŚ?â
âTJ and I? No. Never dated, hooked up, anything,â you smiled with a shake of your head. âWe adore each other, but in a brother and sister kind of way. I mean, weâve known each other since we were in diapers. Even if I did find him attractive, nothing ever wouldâve happened. You, Steve, Sam, you guys are much more his type.â
Bucky didnât say anything, his face a bit pale. You worried for a second that he was going to get sick. âI thought you two hooked up,â he said more to himself than to you.
Where the hell did he get that impression?
âNo, we didn't and we never will,â you said again before something he said dawned on you. âWait, how did you know he stayed at my place? He asked me not to tell anyone where he was and I respected his wishes.â
Going through the dates again in your head, it wasnât long after TJ stayed with you that Bucky brought Dot around as his new girlfriend. You knew you lost your chance to admit your feelings because he had someone by his side. Someone who wasnât you.
âCome with me,â Bucky said, taking your hand and pulling you up from the couch before you had a chance to argue. It was hard to keep up with his long strides and he didnât look back when Steve called after the two of you.
âWhatâs going on?â You asked as he pulled you outside and slammed the door. You watched as he took a few breaths, like he was trying to steady himself. âTalk to me, please.â
âI wasted two years,â he whispered, tilting his head to look at the sky. âTwo fucking years.â
What is he talking about?
âI donât understand,â you said.
âI made a huge mistake and I regret it,â he said, squeezing your hand as he faced you. âAnd I can't go the rest of this week without telling you. I wasted enough time.â
âTell me what? Bucky, what did you do?â
And can we come back from it?
That literary edging. I'm sorry! Love and thanks for reading! â¤ď¸
Masterlist â Bucky Barnes Masterlist â Ko-Fi
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